Which type of Dota 2 Pub player are you?

If you play Dota 2, you are sure to fall into one of the categories of these types of players listed below

It’s time to stop queuing for your Archon Ranked Match and take a read from this article to see which kind of Dota 2 Pubber you are. Abbreviations have been added to help you share your personality with your other Dota buddies.

Meta Male/ Meta Female (MF) 

You probably mark the top of your class (you nerd), and your insatiable hunger for research defines your gameplay. You are a glutton of meta, trends and guides, gobbling up every corner of your Google search engine. Your top 3 searches are probably ‘How to own with (Hero name)’, ‘Metas pro players follow for (Hero name)’, and ‘Why do my friends not accept my play invite’. Take a chill pill and learn to enjoy the game. With the excuse of ‘trying to learn the game’s best compositions’, you forget Dota 2’s Hero pool is immense and it’s hard to follow a textbook item/playstyle build for every game. Take a while to try our compositions yourself and remember, it's just a game. 

Slim ‘Chance of Winning’ Shady (SS)

You are the Yin to the Meta Male/Females’ Yang, and you have basically no idea how to play the hero you just 1st picked for midlane. You freestyle your game from the start, and like your secret rap album, you will never find success. Your lack of knowledge is overshadowed by your lack of interest in learning. Your strategies make less sense and have less content than IO’s response tab on Dota Wiki. Learn to use the in-game builds, watch some ‘How to Play’ videos on Youtube or seek help from a friend, please, you simple casual. 

Neanderthal’s Rage (NR)

Unlike Axe’s Berserker’s Rage, your rage never helps your team but does tempt them to force, push or pull you into the middle of the enemies. You probably know your teammate’s family tree better than they do, and you claim to have met most of them after hours. But the only reason you rage is because noobs remind you of yourself back in the day, and we all know you hate yourself. So instead of raging, try channeling that emotion to more creative means, such as trying to press Alt with your thumb and F4 with your first finger. At least then, you will have finally given your team some breathing space to play the game. Chill out, bro. It’s just a game. 

Leader Feeder (LF)

Your presence in every game motivates the team, and no matter where you are, they are sure to look for you. By them, I mean the enemy team. Like seriously, how much do they pay you to feed so much? If the enemy is in the Rosh pit, do not go in as a Crystal Maiden dreaming of an Aegis steal! Your relentless contribution to your enemies’ network chart is stupendous, and unless you learn to watch your positioning, you are never going to ever get invited to play with your friends again. Please take a while to watch some pro games from the ingame watch button and see how the pros position themselves as per their role. Watch guides on Youtube, or read about these gameplay disciplines online. 

Role Flopper (RF)

You probably eat your ice cream with ketchup and mayonnaise because you do not understand roles. Watching you pick Lich and head midlane to farm is the worst thing to happen to Dota 2 since your last game. Yes, playing Phantom Assassin as support, soaking XP from the lane and ‘mistakenly’ farming every lane’s range creep with your Stifling Dagger is JUST as bad! Every Hero literally has a note that showcases whether it is a core or support. If that is impossible for you to follow, it's time to switch back to simpler games that take up less of your brain’s energy, such as House of The Dead. Click, zombie go bye-bye. 

The ‘Day’ Dreamer (TD)

Ever heard of the saying “making it look easy”? It implies that the person is so adept at the skill that they make it look easy. Guess what you are not – smart. Oh, and you also are not adept at Dota 2. Moving through the learning phase with patience and relentless practice is the only way to improve.  Small efforts add up to make a massive impact. So, instead of going directly for the million-dollar plays and rushing to buy a naked Blink Dagger on Earthshaker, buy your Boots of Speed first, my friend. Work towards your goals one penny at a time. Soon enough, you will finally make it big and land plays that put you in the company of the world’s greatest players. Following that, you wake up next to a puddle of drool. Keep daydreaming.

Master ‘Failed’ Attempter (FA)

Say it with me, P-r-a-c-t-i-c-e, practice. See, it is not that hard. Good, now stop picking Heroes for the first time in Rank. There is a mode called All Pick; ever heard of it? You can play Hand of Midas build on your Tinker and fret about why it does not Rearm there. Do you know your teammates have worked to get to Archon? They did not do so to meet you and your Drow Ranger with Echo Saber. Learn to play the Hero, strat or build BEFORE you start picking it in Rank, you noodlebrain. May your courier hotkeys bug out every game. 

High “Classless” Roller (HR)

Smurfs, you detestable creatures! You, who plague Dota 2 with an unwavering vengeance for as long as the Play Dota button existed. With a slice of pizza in one hand and a can of Mountain Dew in the other, you toss your self-worth and dignity into the trash bin (aptly named after you) while demanding Morphling mid. Oh, the shame you must feel, buried deep beneath your undeniable skill, yet your lack of respect for the game shines through. You make it impossible for new players to embrace Dota's joys. New players are supposed to be welcome and received with open arms, not with ruthless, outclassing defeat. And the most infuriating part? Your unapologetic nature. Look into yourself and see the negative impact you are having on the growth of this game and its community. May your main account suffer a severe rank plummet, the only punishment fit for your monsters.

Greedy Gatekeeper (GG)

Oh, dear Gatekeepers of the Dota Realm! With your mighty barricades and riddles aplenty, you keep the newbies at bay, dancing on the precipice of frustration. But fear not, brave adventurers, for you shall not deter us! We shall defy your cunning puzzles, conquer your impassable gates, and claim our spot in this glorious world of Ancients. So, unleash your curses and snares, O Gatekeepers, for we come armed with perseverance, wit, and an unyielding desire to join the ranks. Together, we shall forge new legends and bring joy to this realm, whether you approve or not! 

Ear Drummers (ED)

Dear Mic Screamers, please stop yelling into the microphone. Your eardrum-shattering rants are not helping your teammates learn anything about Dota 2, only about how your rank is slightly higher than theirs. Surely, their Coaching option was turned off when your teammates searched for a match. You act as if you are the almighty coaches of the Dota 2 universe, and your words are divine decree approved by all the Dota 2 Gods. Let this be a gentle (unlike your incessant yelling) reminder for you: nobody asked for your guidance! Then again, thank you for being the pioneers of one of the greatest inventions of gaming history: The “Mute” button. Please, do your teammates an immense favor and adjust your microphone settings, or better yet, unplug it, sparing everyone from your vocal assaults.

Solo “Mute” Stars (SS)

Please, talk. Please. COMMUNICATE for the same of Dota 2. Words, speech, pings. Anything! Why do you guys refrain from talking in a game which runs on coordination and team play? Like, which part of MULTIplayer do you not understand? You farm all game, try for single target pick-offs, get ganked without any request for assistance and never come to teamfights. How do you expect to win? What will you do with all that farm, buy the enemy squad? Really, you guys are impossible to work with. Use the comms and play with your team; that is the basics of Dota 2, you know?

Classic Casual (CC)

Ah, the bread and butter of Dota 2. You are the gamers that made Dota 2 the successful game it is today. You guys love the game with undying passion and probably return to its welcoming embrace after a long day of study or work to let loose and lose yourself to the enjoyment for a while. You are the best type of Dota 2 Pub player. Oh, by the way. You are just one of the other categories but in denial. You will turn eventually. Welcome to Dota 2.